A Letter to my Inang, With Memory & Love.

"Inang,

You were my roomie from 4th grade to my 3rd year of community college. In those 11 years of being so close in your presence, I've learned everything. I learned that when in doubt, eggs and rice, that pursing your lips can either meaning you're pointing at something or that you actually want a kiss, and that like any Filipino grandma, you don't need just 5 plastic bags stored underneath the sink, you need at least 98.

I remember when you picked me up from school using the bus when I first moved back to America in 4th grade. I remember feeling people sneering and laughing as you made sure to hold on to me tight on the bus. It wasn't until I was older that I realized people weren't laughing at us, but rather smiling in awe at the love this 80-year-old grandmother had and made sure to pick me up on a bus and keep me safe.

I remember when you first met your 43rd grandchild CJ and your heart was so overwhelmed with love that it came out as tears from your eyes. I too, couldn't but sob while videotaping that special moment because I knew that this was one of the happiest moments in your life and was so honored to see just how pure and genuine your love is. Something moved in me that day and I could only hope I could have the capacity to love the way you did with us.

Then May 2018 came.

My life turned upside down and I learned a lot about myself.

As your condition got worse, you also needed more help. A few of your grandchildren and I decided we needed to step up to the plate. It wasn't soon until I realized that I didn't "need" to help, but rather, I "wanted" to. Those two words are driven by two completely different motives. So that's what we did, we sacrificed our time & sleep once or even twice a week to help feed and change you. Though it never felt like sacrifice, it fe;t like a privilege to have taken care of you Inang, so please don't dare to feel like you were ever a burden.

In those five months, I learned a lot about my capacity to love and give. You taught me compassion, patience, kindness, to love selflessly without expecting and most importantly, to do things out of pure love.

All the woman I have become is only a reflection of the kind of woman you were. Thank you for showing me life and so much more. Although you are no longer here on Earth with us, your love and legacy will live on through us, your grandchildren. We will make you proud Inang and we will continue to love others so graciously and selflessly just as you did with us so that others, can also feel your warmth.

"TY" for all your sunshine girlfriend.

Love you dearly,

Cate"

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A little back story:

Five months ago, my grandma had a brain aneurysm and doctors had told us she had a very slim chance of healing on her own as we no longer wanted to perform surgery. Inang had been completely unresponsive for three days and my entire family spent Mother's Day in the hospital trying to enjoy what we thought would be our last few moments with her.

But God blessed us with another five months with Inang. She was always a fighter and that's what she did, instead of letting go she wanted to give us more time with her to allow us to prepare for what we knew was soon to come.

On September 25, 2018 two weeks ago at 3:23 p.m. I was blessed enough to be in her presence along with many other family members when she took her last breath.

This was the letter I read at her viewing.

What I hope you take away from reading my letter to Inang is that love is patient, love is kind, and love doesn't expect. Start by doing things for other people out of love or just out of mere kindness because people won't care about your flashy car or clothes when you die, but people will remember how you made them feel.

Last but not least, you are NEVER too busy for the people you love, anyone who says otherwise is bullshitting. People MAKE time for what they WANT to make time for. So make time for the people you hold close to your heart, go that extra mile, drive the extra hour, make that 15 minute call. Because when it comes down to it, they'll be the ones are your funeral, or the ones taking care of you when you're older, or coming over at 2 in the morning when you're crying.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

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I'll hold your heart forever in mine.

Conmemoracion (With Memory) "Inang" Suarez Crisostomo